|Stress Management Information|
4 Steps to Teaching Your Family to Treat You Better
Case #1- Elizabeth, a 40 year old homemaker was always feeling angry and "used" by her family, constantly saying that everybody took advantage of her. She felt that she worked like a slave but her family showed no appreciation or acknowledgement of her many efforts.
Case #2- Bill, a 34 year old husband complained that his critical wife was always angry at him.
He spent his life trying to cope with her outrages which often escalated him into defensive anger which didn't happen anywhere but in this relationship.
Case #3- Betty, a 42 year separated mother struggled with her soon to be ex-husband's contempt and disrespect every time she angrily called him to discuss details of their divorce. These three cases bring up the question often asked by participants in our anger management classes: Is it possible to control how family members treat us? The short answer is "no" - but often we can teach them to treat us better!
Believe it or not, we are constantly teaching our family how to treat us- both by our responses to their behavior, and by the behavior we display to them which they react to. In our case examples:
- By automatically doing whatever her husband and children requested, Elizabeth was "teaching" them that there are almost no limits to what she would do for them.
- With his behavior, Bill was actually teaching his wife that the way to get attention from him (even if it was negative attention) was for her to create drama.
- Betty was so intimidated by her husband, that her defensive "attitude" was "teaching" him that to deal with her, he had to push back with the contempt and disrespect that he constantly showed her.
The dance of anger
Our interchange with family members is often like a carefully choreographed dance. They make a move. You make a move in response to their move. They then respond to what you said or did and ?well, you get the idea!
How do you change the dance? Start by seeing yourself as a teacher-of how you would like your family to treat you.
Four ways to change what you teach others
1. Try a softer start-up. Marital research shows that the first few seconds of an interaction can predict the final outcome of the encounter. Try being softer, more polite, more respectful, less hostile, or more empathetic-and see how this change in your approach actually teaches others to respond better to you.
2. Take a time-out before dealing with the conflict or situation. Conflicting or arguing family members often work themselves up to a point at which problem solving is impossible.
The solution is to retreat and give yourself time to calm down and think things over. This takes at least 20 minutes, often much longer. Before taking your time out, it is important to tell the other person that you will commit to returning soon to deal with the conflict, after you are calmer-then be sure to do it!
3. Acknowledge that you see how they must be seeing the situation. Called "empathy," this response on your part teaches others that you care about their feelings and viewpoints, and opinions.
Acknowledgement doesn't mean that you necessarily agree with their viewpoint -only that you see it. Sometimes, your family needs to know that you care about them and respect their opinions before they listen to what you say.
4. Set limits and boundaries for your family members. Limits and boundaries are basically rules regarding acceptable behaviors toward you as well as what you are willing or not willing to do.
If you feel others are taking advantage of you, ask yourself what you may be doing ( or not doing )to give the message it is "ok" for them to do whatever they are doing. Often you can change their behavior toward you by teaching them different rules of being with you. The easiest way to do this is simply to respond differently yourself. For instance, they make you the core of a nasty joke. Being a nice person, you pretend it doesn't bother you (even though it does), so you laugh with everybody else. As an alternative, try not laughing with them, which is a way of teaching them that they have crossed a boundary with you.
2005 © Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved.
Dr. Tony Fiore (http://www.angercoach.com) is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Taming The Anger Bee" at http://www.angercoach.com
The Top Seven Causes Of Workplace Stress And Fifteen Ways To Get Rid Of Them
Anyone who has ever worked knows that stress is part of the workplace. Stress in itself is not bad, in fact, we can't live without it. Applying the correct amount of stress hardens our muscles, sharpens our minds, and strengthens our spirits. It is when we move from this "good" type of stress into distress that things begin to go wrong. The fact is, most people who work are feeling pressure from things going on both inside the workplace and outside the workplace. Let's explore?
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Stress Management: How to Change Limiting Beliefs
Mark Twain once said, "It's not what we don't know that hurts us. It's what we know that isn't so."
Control Stress with High Morale
When Army leaders fail to control battlefield stress, they lose as many soldiers to combat stress as they do to enemy bullets. Even when they are well trained, these soldiers are more likely to collapse in the face of great stress.
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Raise your hand if you have ever been rejected by anyone, for anything, at any time. C'mon, be honest.
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High Stress Means Low Self Esteem
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Conquer Stress and Anxiety Naturally With This Safe and Effective Method
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* Play Romane's stress control seminar recordings, and read "The Wellness Journey". * Use deep breathing exercises. * Make an appointment for deep muscle massage. * Tense up all parts of your body one at a time and let go and relax. * Exercise with a brisk walk, hike, swim, bicycle, go to a gym or buy or rent your own equipment. * Use self-hypnosis. Lie down and relax your body step by step. Remember a peaceful place in detail, using all your senses. Really be there in your imagination. * Meditate: sit quietly, eyes closed. Slowly focus over and over on one word such as "calm", or "peace", or "relax". * Talk to a friend, counsellor, minister, or physician. Follow your physician's advice! * Change your diet: less salt, less sugar, less alcohol, less fat, less meat, less coffee; more fluids, fruits, vegetables, whole grain cereals, and fish. Enjoy a balanced meal plan for proper nutrition. * Listen to relaxing nature sound recordings, New Age or Classical music which induces slower, deeper breathing. * Drive to a peaceful park, forest, beach, mountain or meadow. * Take the day off or go on vacation. * Phone your local hospital to find out when the next stress reduction class will be held. * Start a new hobby such as painting, ceramics, sailing, tennis, yoga, etc. * Be assertive, not aggressive. Take a self-assertion course at a school or university. * Have a warm bath at 92 degrees F. with pleasant bath oil. * Drink chamomile tea. * See a foot reflexologist for better circulation. * Listen to a comedy recording; watch a live comedy show or video. * Stretch. * Volunteer to help others for diversion; new activities; new friends. What will you have given during your lifetime? * Change your daily routine, dress, route to work, furniture arrangement, etc. * Set up a regular time to relax, a "relaxation break" instead of a coffee break. * Change your attitude. Why does the same event bother some people, but not others? You don't always have to be right. You have a choice. * Avoid over-scheduling yourself for too many tasks. * Avoid "keeping up with the Joneses". * Make a daily "to do" list to tackle items in order of priority. * Don't spend $100 worth of energy for a 10-cent problem. * Break down a major task into several small tasks. * Delegate work to others. * Set realistic goals. * Give compliments and enjoy taking compliments. * Never say, "I can't do this or that". You get what you think about. * Make a list of tension reducers and things to do "to get outside of yourself". * Make your personal and family life a priority over other demands. * Balance work with play, proper diet, sleep, exercise and relaxation. * Be thankful for your comfortable bed, friends, food, water, a chance to work, freedom, and many other blessings!
Squeeze To Relax!
This heading may seem like a contradiction in terms. How on earth is squeezing anything going to allow for relaxation to occur? Surely it will generate more tension, won't it?
Let Go of Stress: Slow Down! Survive!
Don't wait to have a life-threatening disease to learn what I learned. When you think you'll die from cancer in six months you wonder why you've spent so much of your life rushing to get more done. At least I did. Let me explain: I grew up believing that I'd be loved, or not, because of what I did and that belief drove me to constantly try to please people.
The fast pace of life is taking toll on every city dweller, right from students to home makers and workers to managers, every body is hit by the bug of the stress. Modern technological development and communication aids are adding to the stress because of their high speed. Traveling, exams, admissions etc. at times are too stressful for students as well as parents living hectic lifestyle. Stressed individuals are paying heavy toll in terms of health and well being as they are more prone to stress induced diseases such as headaches, upset stomach, rashes, insomnia, ulcers, high blood pressure, heart disease, and stroke. Most people get trapped into the vicious circle of stress induced diseases and find it difficult to tackle it at later stage. Hence it is very important for us to learn to manage the stress.
Treat Your Anxiety Disorder Effectively
If you find symptoms of anxiety disorder in any of your near and dear ones then the best way is to visit your physician as soon as possible. Only your Physician can detect that whether these symptoms are due to anxiety or any other medical condition. The symptoms of Anxiety Disorder like restlessness, loss of sleep, loss of hunger, over-impulsive nature, losing temper easily, etc. are some of the symptoms which can detect the mental disease of anxiety disorder. After you come to know for sure from your physician that you are really suffering from anxiety then the next important step is to visit a mental health care professional.
Stress - A Modern Cause of Disease
Every day we are faced with a situation where our health is assaulted on all sides. There is not just one cause of disease. People get sick because of a number of converging changes. In Australia, according to government research, 50% of people aged 50 and over are considered to have some form of disability. 20% of children reported symptoms of Asthma to their Medical Practitioner in the past year, 30% of Australians over the age of 25 are at risk of Diabetes. Today we are faced with many enemies that simply didn't exist all those years ago.
It is Looking Up for Stress Relief
No this is not related to praying, this is how your brain works. Looking up will reduce your stress?..immediately. Why, you may be asking?
5 Stepst to Stress-Guard Your Family
Part 1: Recognize the importance of family stress management
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